i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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