once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
