Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's the barista slut.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
