I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
