my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
