Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
