There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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