i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
