normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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