It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Come on in and take your pants off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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