i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
