she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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