It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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