I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
that's an acceptable place to lick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
