Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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