I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize