i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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