whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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