I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
