So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm both gender and math confused
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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