i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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