Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
