I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
