I'm drive I can fine osifer
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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