best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
