hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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