I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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