I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize