I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
