rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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