I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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