I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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