It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
