His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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