I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize