I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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