So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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