Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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