i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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