Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
