What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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