u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize