im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize