My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please come you make the beer taste better
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
