I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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