ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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