I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
