p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she smelled like a LAN party
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
