GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
