what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
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