I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You ruined the universe
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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