he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come share oat with me in your robe
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize