dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
