i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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