woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize