well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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