Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
