Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
