Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
