I miss vodka workout Fridays
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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