Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
