you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
