p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
