Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That accounts for only three of the penises
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
