Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
