found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
