I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
