What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
