I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
