We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
