Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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