I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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