eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
