What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
