yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
