so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
