I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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