And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
