ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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