you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
