if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
