you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
