They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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