I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
